Degenerate

Well, people generally suspected since the early '90's that snowboarders were nothing but degenerates that sucked at skateboarding (which isn't saying much from the "mainstream" or "hardcore" angles). While the latter has been obvious from the days of attempting the ollie over plastic skateboard slide rails to prove to Jeff Somers that, yes, I actually was getting off the ground, the former can now be proven with a new technology called magnetic resonance imaging, or MRI for short.

I received the results of a recent MRI, prompted by a snowboarding incident. Leave it to the medical profession to freak-me-the-hell-out with phrases like "degenerative joint disease" which the internet clarifies to mean "arthritis." Well, duh. So MRIs have the magical capability to tell me that I'm old. While the next reference will do wonders for my street cred, it seems analogous to when on the Biggst Losr (intentionally spelled wrong for legal and Google reasons) they calculate peoples' internal age to be 59 when they're only 24 years old. Then people cry, get motivated, and go to the gym. So the internal age of my knee is somewhere around 86, though I have less than a month to claim I'm still in my 20's. So I cried, got drunk, sobered up, and did some upper body exercises in the basement, since my knee still hurts. More photographic evidence of internal age of my knee...


In the interest of full disclosure, this picture is from 10 years ago, and I suck at wakeboarding, too.